i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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