Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
