wakey wakey hands off snakey
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Randomize