i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
