Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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