...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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