Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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