I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
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