Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
