Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
