You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
