we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
