i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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