it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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