Quick, to the slutcave!
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
You left your underwear on the fireplace
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
