We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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