Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
