You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
