I wish I could teleport
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
