if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
