I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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