I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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