when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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