I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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