I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
