I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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