so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
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I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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