The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
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I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think my cat just said my name.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
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