you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
