Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Randomize
