remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
