the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
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