You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
That's intense
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
The feeling are messing with the penis
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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