just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
