Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
