Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Randomize
