I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
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As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
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I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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