I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
