im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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