come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
