I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
