I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
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