I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
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