he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
