The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
