You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
