Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
30 People Reveal The Moment They Realized: ‘Oh Sh*t, I’m An A**hole’
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
30 Tiny Celebrity Tattoos You’ll Want To Run Out And Copy ASAP
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
