you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
