I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Let's get the cat blown out
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?