My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
