He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
