my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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