Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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