Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
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Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
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His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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