people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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