mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
