God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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