so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
