she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I know her cup size but not her name....
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
