You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
