i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Randomize
