It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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