upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
