Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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