Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
We need to get me chipped asap
Randomize
