i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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