the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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