I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
