Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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