my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Randomize
