I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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