i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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