sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
