Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
