i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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