So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize