U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
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