coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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