I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
i think i have herpe
just one?
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Randomize
