i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
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