I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
