its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Is it because I queefed?
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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