Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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