Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
