Where is the hickey?
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
There r osticjed everywhere
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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