In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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