dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
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