If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
