do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
